quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
