Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
