he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
