found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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