I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
