she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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