doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
