..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
