i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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