His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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