an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
