She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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