Betty ford says i'm here all night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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