Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We need to get me chipped asap
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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