i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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