Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
