farters have to be the big spoon...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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