I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
