Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish you could order shots online.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
