I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
