white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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