Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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