Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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