Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
