I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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