I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
