I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
