We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
