She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
