my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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