I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
