ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
