lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
