The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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