I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the condom got lost in my hair
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Are we still banned from the library?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
