Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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