when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
