Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
