My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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