remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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