Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
