First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
