her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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