he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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