I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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