You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
