yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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