if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
