I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
