I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
