I'm jealous of your bromance
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dignity is for republicans.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
