New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
