How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
