Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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