No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
