I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
