Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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