You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Even my vagina gasped.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
