i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
