Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize