i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
