Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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