Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
