If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
